


What am I thinking?

by Okuyasu_is_life



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Adorable Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Being Walked In On, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Denial of Feelings, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Frustration, Gay Panic, Love Confessions, M/M, Mondo loves for the first time, Owada Mondo Swears, Sad Owada Mondo, Sleepovers, sexually confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26173897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okuyasu_is_life/pseuds/Okuyasu_is_life
Summary: After ishimaru gives Mondo a simple compliment. Mondo goes into a gay panic and doesn't know what to do.
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	What am I thinking?

After class, Mondo and Ishimaru walked back to their rooms together. Ishimaru was going on about how much he loved class. 

"It's just nice that I get to learn new things!". Mondo just listened as he went on and on. 

_'Him getting so excited over nerdy shit is kinda cute...... wait...... what the fuck did I just say!? That's hella gay'_

"This is my room Mondo, see you tomorrow"

"Yeah bye". He closed his door, Mondo walked down the hall to his room. He gets in and flops on his bed. He lays there thinking about what he said earlier.

"There's no way I'm gay, i just accidentally thought that.......oh i know!". He grabs a porn magazine and flips through the pages. He stops on a page and admires it. he felt his pants tighten as he looked at the page.

"Ha! I got hard from a chick, I knew I wasn't fuckin' gay! Shit, now I gotta take care of this". He mumbles as he grabs his lotion. He gets comfortable and starts slowly stroking himself.

"This feels better than usual, why? Maybe cuz I hadn't done it in awhile". He just shrugs and continues. He was getting close to his climax, he strokes faster feeling it build up. Then, ishimaru bursts through the door. 

"Mondo! I gotta tell you--!". The sudden scare made him cum on accident, he shot across the room and hit ishimaru 

_'Shitshitshitshit'_

Ishimaru looks at himself, he turned bright red and started frantically looking for a towel. 

"Why the fuck didn't you knock!?"

"Sorry I was really excited to tell you something"

"Here, just fuckin' use my shower!". He handed him a towel, ishimaru stood there frozen.

"What are you doin' go take a shower!"

"Um can you put your....thing away?". Mondo looked down, he didn't realize his dick was out, he quickly put it back in and zipped up his pants. Ishimaru walks to the bathroom and starts the shower. Mondo sat there embarrassed, he accidentally shot his cum on ishimaru.

_'Seeing my jizz on his face was hot........ WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING!? THAT'S DISGUSTING!?_

He tried to stop thinking about ishimaru but for some reason, he was all he could think about. He heard the shower stop and the door open. Ishimaru walked out with a towel on.

_'He looks hot without a shirt....... FUCK!!!!'_

"Um, I don't have any clothes, can I borrow some?"

"Yeah whatever". He threw a shirt and some sweatpants at him. He got changed and sat on the bed.

_'He looks so cute in my clothes......... JESUS FUCK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?'_

"Thanks for the clothes"

"Yeah yeah...... you stayin' here?"

"We could have a sleepover! If that's fine with you"

"I don't fuckin' care"

"Oh and sorry for not knocking"

"Just don't talk about it!". Ishimaru laughed a little as he got off the bed.

_'He has a cute laugh......I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THIS GAY SHIT!'_

"What do people do at sleepovers? This is a subject I'm not very good at"

"I dunno, talk or some shit?"

_'Maybe if I talk about girls with him, it'll take my mind off of those gay thoughts'_

"Wanna look at the magazine?"

"What's in it?". Mondo snickered as he opened the magazine, he showed him the picture he was looking at. Ishimaru turned bright red and covered his face.

"Wh-wh-why is she naked!!"

"C'mon dude, I know you wanna look"

_'He's so fuckin' cute when he's embarrassed.......MY PLAN ISN'T WORKING!'_

He put the magazine away. Ishimaru sighed.

"What else do you have in here that's not inappropriate?". Ishimaru asked as he looked around, he went to the desk drawer and opened it.

"Oi! Don't go through my shit!". Ishimaru pulled out some papers with drawings on them. 

"Oh wow! These look really good!"

"Put that shit back!"

"Why? I wanna see the rest". He looked through the papers and saw a little drawing of him and chihiro.

"Hey it's me and chihiro!". Mondo snatched the papers from him. Ishimaru frowned, he wanted to look at them some more. He thought Mondo was really talented.

"Stop going through my shit!" Ishimaru just yawned in response.

"I'm kinda tired". He laid in the bed and pulled the covers over him.

"Oi! Why you in my bed!?"

"It's big enough for both of us, I don't wanna sleep on the floor".

"Whatever dude, night"

"Good night Mondo". He laid in the bed but stayed as far away from him as possible. 

"You know, you're really great Mondo". Those sudden words sent a wave of heat over him. He felt hot, his heart started beating faster, his face was bright red from embarrassment.

_'Wh-what the hell! Why am I like this!? All he said was that I was great! So why am I so....... flustered? What the fuck is this feeling!? It makes no fuckin' sense!'_

He forced himself to sleep.

* * *

"Ugh.... is it morning already?". Mondo opened his eyes, he felt something against him, he looked to his left and saw ishimaru's arms wrapped around him. He panicked and fell out the bed. 

_'Shit! That feeling from yesterday is back!'_

He quickly got changed and did his hair, he finished just in time, ishimaru was beginning to wake up. 

"Good morning Mondo".

"Yeah.... mornin', imma go get breakfast".

"Ok, see you there". Mondo left in a hurry, being around him made him nervous. As he walked to the dining hall, he bumped into Chihiro. 

"Oh, sorry Mondo"

"Sorry, I gotta go!"

"Wait!" He stopped but didn't turn around, he didn't want him to see his face that was completely red.

"Are you ok? You look worried"

"I'm fine"

"C'mon you tell me! I'm great at secrets!"

Mondo sighed, he did need an answer to why he suddenly feels that way around Ishimaru. He pulled him into a empty classroom.

"Promise not to say anything!"

"Ok"

"I need help"

"What's wrong?"

"I-i...... it's like...... shit, this is hard to explain"

"Take your time"

"When I'm around a specific person, I get.....nervous? or some shit. Like my heart starts racin' and my hands get sweaty, and I feel really hot! I have no fuckin' Idea why!"

"I think I know what it is!"

"You do? Tell me! How can I fix it!?"

"You're in love Mondo!"

"What the fuck....... me? I'm in love?"

"Yeah, you must really like this person"

"Are you sure I'm in love?"

"Have you ever fell in love before?"

"I had girlfriends before but none of them made me feel like this! You really sure this is fuckin' love?"

"I'm certain it is!".

"Crap!". Mondo fell in the chair, he groaned. He can't love another guy right? It's wrong isn't it?

"So, who's the lucky person?"

"None of your fuckin' business!" Chihiro just laughed.

"Your secret is safe with me!". He smiled and walked out the door. Mondo sat at the desk having a gay panic. Was he really in love with ishimaru? 

"Fuck me!". Ishimaru walked in the room, he heard him from the hall.

"Of course it's you, no one uses such language like you". Mondo stared at him, he couldn't help but blush. He realized what he was doing and shook his head. 

"Well, breakfast is almost over, let's go!"

"Y-yeah". He sounded shy, mondo never sounded like that, he was usually loud.

"You ok?"

"I am, let's just go". They left the room. Mondo kept trying to think about something else other than ishimaru, it was useless, he was all he could think about. 

_'Why do I even like him? Who am I kidding, I know exactly why! He's so innocent and sweet, he always puts everyone before him, even though it's kinda annoying when he nags me, I find it......cute? Arghh, my head hurts from thinking too hard!'_

"Monnnddoooo?". Ishimaru waved a hand over his face to get his attention.

"Y-yeah what?"

"You're spacing out, are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm just a little hot that's all"

"You're not sick are you!?"

"No I-"

"I'm taking you back to your room"

"No re-"

"I'm going to take care of you for today!". 

_'He won't fucking listen to me!'_

"Fine whatever". Ishimaru dragged him to his room. He opened the door and pushed him in. 

"Lay in the bed"

"Stop fuckin' bossing me around!" He said as he went to the bed, he sat on the edge not knowing what to really do.

"You said you were hot right?"

"Y-yeah, guess I did"

"Take off your clothes, I'll get some cold things". 

_'I'm definitely not takin' off my clothes in front him. I'll just tell him no'_

"Yeah, no, I'm fine"

"C'mon! Your face is red, you must be hot!"

"I'm only takin' off my shirt!". 

"I'll get a cold rag". Mondo took off his shirt, he's never been embarrassed like this before, he was always confident with his body but he felt weird when it was ishimaru.

"Here!". He handed him the rag, he placed it on his forehead and laid back.

"Wow! You have a nice body Mondo!". He blushed like crazy as he turned looked away from him. 

"Y-yeah thanks". He tried to cover his embarrassment but Ishimaru noticed.

"You ok? Are you still hot?". He shook his head shyly, that compliment made him feel aroused, he couldn't control his rising erection, Ishimaru pulled the covers off of him, Mondo quickly grabbed the covers back to cover himself.

"I thought you were hot? Why are you taking the covers back?". He tried to take the covers again but Mondo kept pulling back.

"C'mon, I just want to make sure you're ok!"

"You don't fucking understand!"

"Let go!"

"Hell no!"

"Please!"

"No dude!"

"I like you too much to see you in pain!". 

_'He what!? He likes me!? Maybe I'm overthinking it...... yeah! He meant as a friend!'_

he lost his grip on the covers, ishimaru threw them on the ground and noticed Mondo massive erection in his pants. He turned red and quickly looked away.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know!"

"You fuckin' idiot! I said to let go!". 

"I can leave while you take care of it"

"Yeah that would be great!". Ishimaru left the room and Mondo picked up his magazine. He flipped to his favorite page. He stared at it harshly, something was off but he couldn't figure out what, the next thing he knew his erection was gone. 

"Huh? I calmed down? But I was looking at the picture". He tried to get hard again as he stared at the girl on the page. It didn't work.

"What the hell!? I can't get hard!? Do I have erectile dysfunction or some shit!? No can't be, I'm 17!". He tried again as he flipped through the book, nothing worked.

"What in the fuck!? This book always made me horny, what's going on?". For some reason, ishimaru popped in his head, he thought about the what he said earlier about his body. His eyes widened as he looked down.

"Why are you hard now? I was only thinkin' about......"

He realized what was going on, he had fallen in complete love with ishimaru, he was fully gay now, the women in his book didn't arouse him anymore. He was scared, the change was too sudden, his chest felt tight, his breathing was weak.

"I-i...."

He couldn't explain his feelings, this was all new to him. He was so confused and scared. He's never felt so.....weak.

"This is too much! I can't do this shit!". His face felt wet? He touched his face, he was....crying? He tried wiping them away but more and more tears fell down. 

"Why the hell am I crying!? I can't stop". He tried to think of happy things but it was no use. All the new emotions and changes in him was overwhelming.

"Fuck you ishimaru! You're messin' with my head!". He laid in bed crying, he hasn't cried like this since his brother died. He jumped as he heard a knock at his door.

"Mondo? You ok in there, is it safe to come in?"

The last thing he wants is ishimaru seeing him like this, he was a tough guy not some crybaby. He acted like he was sleeping. He hid under the covers waiting for him to leave. He heard his door open, he forgot to lock it. He felt ishimaru sit on the bed.

"Oh, he must be sleeping! I'll just leave this here then". He walked out and closed the door behind him. Mondo sat up and wiped some tears away, there was a bowl of soup with a note next to it. He read it to himself.

_'I hope you get better soon Mondo, I want to hang out more!'_

"Is he doin' this shit to me on purpose!? Makin' me feel feelings!?". He sighed. His attention shot to the door as someone opened it. He tried laying back down but the person already called out to him.

"Mondo"

"Yeah?". He said avoiding the person's eyes, he recognized the voice, it was chihiro. He turned towards him.

"Mondo!? You've been crying! Is everything ok?"

"No, it's not!"

"Tell me everything". He sat next to Mondo, trying to comfort him.

"I realized that I'm.....changing, all these new feelings are so fuckin' dumb, I wish they'd just go away!"

"You got it bad for this person huh?"

"I think I do...."

"This is your first time experiencing love, give it time and you'll come to like it"

"How the hell am I going to like this!? It's torture"

"Maybe you have to confess your love, that might help"

"I can't do that....."

"Why? I'm sure they'd accept your feelings"

"I'm not so sure...... they might be weirded out by me"

"Why say that?"

"Because! I can't tell you!"

"C'mon just tell me, getting it off your chest will ma-"

"I think I'm gay!". Chihiro was startled from his loud interruption. He took a minute to process what he just said.

"You think you are?"

"I fuckin' love that dumbass ishimaru! I can't stop thinkin' bout him!"

"That's why you're afraid of confessing! He's a guy too"

"I can't stop thinkin' about him rejecting me, it's too painful!".

"You'll never know unless you try". Mondo stared at him, was he really suggesting him to tell him? He couldn't do that.

"No way! He'd stop liking me!"

"Like I said, you'll never know until you try"

"You really think I should?"

"Yeah! Invite for a sleepover tonight or something, tell him then!"

"If he stops being my friend I'm fuckin' blaming you!"

"Fair enough, tell me how everything goes tonight". Chihiro left the room. Mondo got dressed and headed to ishimaru's room, once he gets to the door, he hesitates to knock, before he could ishimaru opened the door.

"Oh hi Mondo! What are you doing?"

"Um i-i..... wanna stay over tonight?"

"Sure, sounds fun! I'll see you tonight!". Mondo nodded and went back to his room, he closed the door behind him and made sure he locked it. He looked around his room, it was a mess. He decided to clean it. It took him awhile but finally cleaned his whole room. He noticed the magazine on his counter

"Guess I'll throw you away, I have no more use for it". He threw it away. He started to draw some pictures to pass some time. He drew him and ishimaru holding hands, cuddling, and kissing, just things he wanted to do with him.

"Why am i so fuckin' gay?". He sat his pencil down. He heard a knock at his door. 

"Shit he's here! Alright you fuckin' got this! Don't be a pussy now". He pumped himself up and opened the door. He was met with Ishimaru in pajamas and slippers, he was holding a blanket a blanket and pillow. Why did he have to be so god damn cute now?

"Hey! You ready?"

"Y-yeah totally". He let him in and locked the door behind him.

"I'll take a shower right quick, you can hang out here". Ishimaru nodded and sat on the bed. Mondo walked to his bathroom and noticed his drawings still out, he quickly grabbed them and hid them in the bathroom. As ishimaru waited he went to his desk to see more of his drawings. He opened the drawer and pulled out the papers. 

"I don't know why he doesn't want me to see them, these are professional!". He looked through each one and admired them. Mondo got out the shower and pit on his pajamas. He walks out the bathroom, he sees ishimaru going through his stuff again. 

"What the fuck man, you don't listen to you!?"

"I just really admire them! These are so cool".

"You really think so?"

"Yeah! I wanna draw like you!"

"Eh? You want me to teach you?". Ishimaru nodded happily as Mondo walked towards his desk.

"I guess I could teach you some basics". 

"Yes! You're so cool Mondo!". Mondo blushed a little but kept his cool. 

"Ok you start here.....". He went on to teach him to draw simple bases for the body. Ishimaru finished his and showed Mondo.

"How's this!?" Mondo took the paper and stares at it, he cracked a smile, he tried not to laugh at his horrible drawing, he soon started laughing.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, it just looks so weird"

"Well I like it". He took back his drawing. 

"What do you want to do now?"

_'I still gotta tell him...... maybe now isn't the time'_

"I got some playing cards? Wanna play?"

"Sure, but I only know how to play war". Mondo sighed as he grabbed the cards, he sat on his bed and set up the game. 

"Ready?"

"Yup!"

He started the game, ishimaru was taking all his cards.

"You're fuckin' cheating dude! How do you always get a higher card than me!?"

"You're the one that passed out the cards"

"This is bullshit!". After a few games they were both ready for bed. Ishimaru laid in the bed and closed his eyes. Mondo couldn't sleep. He still had to tell him how he felt. He looked over, he couldn't see his face so he couldn't see if he was sleeping, he took a chance and decided to say something.

"Ishi? I gotta get something off my chest. Ever since that night you said I was great, I started to feel weird, I couldn't stop thinking about you, I would get nervous around you and shit, I thought it was nothing until I realized it wasn't. I guess I'm saying, I'm kinda sorta.....I dunno.....in love with you?". He looked over, ishimaru didn't move. He thought he was sleeping

"I'm a fuckin' idiot! Thinking you would like me back!". He turned to his side and shut his eyes. They shot back open when he heard ishimaru's voice.

"I like you too Mondo"

"Wh-what!?"

"Just give me a heads up so I don't freeze up on you"

"Ishi...."

"Ever since our little challenge in the sauna, I realized I liked you. I just didn't want to ruin our friendship, so I didn't say anything." Ishimaru turned to face him, he saw Mondo crying.

"Woah! Why are you crying!?"

"Fuck! I am?". He wiped away his tears. He couldn't believe ishimaru liked him this whole time, he felt stupid for not noticing sooner.

"Sorry for not noticing earlier"

"Don't be! I was just good at hiding it". 

"I was having a hard time accepting the fact that I'm gay, it was just so sudden"

"I didn't wrap my head around the fact right away but I soon accepted with no problem"

"You did? I was having a fuckin' mental breakdown!"

"I just told myself that this doesn't make me any different from anyone else. Love who you want to love!"

"I guess so...."

"I love you Mondo"

"I-i..... y-you"

"I really do!"

"I love you too man!"

"I'm glad"

"Are we like.....dating?"

"Do you want to?"

"We could..... only if you want to"

"Then yes!". Mondo couldn't believe this was happening. Ishimaru actually liked him no loved him back.

"You think we could uh....cuddle?". Ishimaru blushed, he never been so close to someone before. Mondo knew exactly how he wanted to do it.

"Sure..."

"C'mere". He scooted closer to him. Mondo wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. Ishimaru laid there taking in his embrace. It felt nice, he was comfortable and warm in his arms, he didn't want to leave.

"Night bro"

"Night". Ishimaru buried his face in Mondo's chest. He fell fast asleep.

* * *

Mondo woke up, ishimaru still close to him. He was glad it wasn't a dream. He got up, chihiro knocks at the door and he answers. He steps outside the door keeping it cracked.

"So? Did you tell him?"

"I did...."

"What did he say?"

"He.....likes me back!"

"Awww, my job here is done!"

"I guess so"

"Is he still sleeping?". Mondo cracked the door open to let chihiro see him.

"I'm so happy for you! Well I gotta go! Chiaki want's me to help her fix her computer"

"See ya". He walks back in the room and closes the door. He sighed and he laid back in bed. Ishimaru woke up.

"Morning"

"Mornin'"

"I'm ready for class!"

"Can't we just hang out here today?"

"And skip class? No way! It's important! We don't want mis--"

Mondo shut him up with a kiss. Ishimaru was surprised, he jumped back and fell off the bed. Mondo could see his face was bright red.

"You good?"

"That was my first...."

"It was? I'm glad it was me"

"M-me too....... I guess missing one day couldn't hurt"

"Sweet! Get in here and fucking cuddle with me you nerd!". Ishimaru laughed and jumped in bed with. 

"I love you dude!"

"Back at you".

《END》


End file.
